“Never lend your car to anyone to whom you have given birth.”
Glaring, hissing, hitting, bellowing and especially the spewing of vulgarities. I have done it all.
The agonising,frightening and bloodcurdling thought of losing your teen who was once an innocent and joy-filled soul, can be very devastating and most probably the worst feeling you will ever have. ‘Do I have no say?’’ ‘Was it because I am and will be bad parent’ . Parents fail to understand that these unruly actions are a norm everywhere and anywhere in the world. Parents struggle everyday just to approach their teenager. When all hope seems to be lost, this is when you know, you need to step up and be the BOSS. Parents, often sick and tired resort to violence,abuse and even the unthinkable. At an impressionable age, teenagers like me have much to learn and develop from the mistakes we make. “Because we’re young and we’re reckless”. Even Taylor swift has summed it up for all parents. Exploited- the word for all parents. You wonder why some parents have no problems. Prevention is better than a cure right?Here are the lists of mistakes parents fail to acknowledge:
1) Teenagers need their personal, alone time
Missing out on family activities is just part and parcel of growing up. Social media and its popularity has taken over the world by storm. Teenagers too have their priorities which one of them are their friends. Being exposed to the world, teenagers grab every chance to know and explore more. There is no stopping them from doing what they like. Atticus, from the literature classic- To kill a mockingbird of all people have grown to accept that fact. Some parents get too controlling such that his/her teenager would rather spend time with virtual games and friends. How do you coax them? Well you just have to wait for the write time. Do not go to them just to express how introverted and lazy they can be. Time will tell and tell it will.
2) Teens are very temperamental and sensitive
What most parents encounter is the constant bellowing and rebellion from their child. Teenagers have the most thin-skinned personalities. They find interaction with those who are outside their cliques unnecessary and annoying. The slightest of actions can turn them into monsters. Approach with caution. Would they rather go on hearing you rant about the prim proper behaviour of the neighbour’s child or watch Pewdiepie talk some sense. Nonetheless, emotions play a large role into sustaining a two-sided relationship. You should not put them down but instead express to them your sadness through a card or face to face. The guilt will kick in with jaw-dropping magic as it hits them where it hurts the most.
3) The apple does not fall far from its tree
You are the backbone. You are the support. To heal others, healing ourselves first is most important. You must believe that your teenagers look up to you. Monkey see monkey do, right? Ask yourself sincerely, what is your priority? Then, ask yourself what do you spend most of your time on? Research has shown that the main reason why parents drift apart is due to the Work. Why would they spend time with you when you do not spend time with them. May I remind you that teenagers are at an impressionable age when they translate behaviours they witness into everyday actions. Should you berate them for not doing something when you yourself do not do it, most hope cripple immediately. Acknowledge your behaviour,the changes and what you plan to achieve. Write this all down on on piece of inexpensive paper and pass it to them. They would slowly buckle, giving into the pressure of changing themselves.
When you look back at this post again after trying, you should be proud having the audacity, willpower and the bravery to take a stand. To sum it up, the slightest changes send huge waves of changes into motion. When things seem to can't get any worse than the traumatic, useless feeling, things do start to get better. Patience is key. Try and try again. It may be a phase or influence. Here Is the template to know where you are headed
-Define The Problem
• Derive the problem from the symptoms
• Current state of the problem
• Ideal state of future
• Who is the problem owner
• Who is the problem solver
-Generate Alternatives (aka brainstorming solutions)
• 5-Why method (connect one cause to another)
e.g 1st why- not spending time with family
2nd why-finds family time useless
3rd why- parents constantly complain
-Evaluate and select solutions
• use a PICK chart
Draw 4 columns and list the solutions under these categories
P-possible (worthwhile) - low difficulty low payoff
I-implement (go for it) - low difficulty high payoff
C-challenge (it’s a maybe) – high difficulty high payoff
K-kill (forget it) – high difficulty high payoff
-Implement and follow up( rolling action item list)
State short description on follow up plan
State difficulty and effectiveness of follow up plan and set 2 deadlines
